And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
