capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
