Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
