soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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