haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
