i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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