There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
