she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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