if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
