..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
