i barfeds in our rink
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
