Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
