do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
