Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
