One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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