god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
