well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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