You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I pour the whiskey from now on
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
