bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Panties = found
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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