so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
