i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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