Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
