dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
