if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
