I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
