he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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