I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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