You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
