Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
