Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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