Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
