My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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