ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
