Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
