Old men and throwing up are my life now.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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