she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
