Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
