Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
