no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can I color on your dick again?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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