haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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