Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I supernannyed him into submission
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
