i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
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