I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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