Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
