Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
