Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
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I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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