Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
