I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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