I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
