pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
