You smell like stripper and shame
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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