the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
