i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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