Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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