I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
