using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
