i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
