Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
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Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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