When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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