They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
