I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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