The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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