i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
