is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
