He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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