I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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