I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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