I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
