i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There r osticjed everywhere
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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