we have officially lost it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
