Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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