next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
