Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
