Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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