I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
