planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
