If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
