I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
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I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way