i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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