fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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