i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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