so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
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I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea