We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The pigeons can smell the fear
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.