Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
