My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese