at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless