I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron