I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
