It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
