How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
